Sex vs. Intimacy: How Active Are You Engaging With Both

Sex vs. Intimacy: How active are you engaging with both

A wife says to her husband, “Honey, I don’t always feel connected to you.” The husband responds, “Well we were pretty connected last night. I don’t know what you mean.” Her response, “Noooo, I mean…I want to feel close to you.” With a look of confusion he replies, “Again, I don’t know how much closer we can get. To get closer than we were last night, I would literally have to become you so I’m not sure what you’re getting at.” As you can imagine, this doesn’t go over well and just like that…a great day turns into a not so great one. 

What happened? Well, besides the failure to communicate effectively, there was a misunderstanding of expectations and education. What one person thought was intimacy, the other party thought was sex. 

Often times, when we think of intimacy, we automatically think of sex. The two are widely considered synonymous however that couldn’t be further from the truth. Intercourse is about as close as possible to another human that we can physically get. 

However, we are more than just a bag of bones, organs, muscles, and tissue. We are complex and beautiful human beings that require intimacy on varying levels. There are forms of intimacy that don’t require physical touch but are just as meaningful and just as impactful, in romantic partnerships. 

Let’s be honest, bedroom skills can only get you so far in a long term commitment. It takes more than just chemistry. Without these additional forms of intimacy, relationships can lose their connection and subsequently their commitment because superficial isn’t always so…well…super.

Here are 4 types of intimacy that can foster a holistic connection and true closeness with your partner:

• Emotional intimacy
• Intellectual intimacy
• Experiential intimacy
• Spiritual intimacy

Emotional intimacy

Emotional intimacy involves candid, authentic sharing of thoughts and feelings. It involves being able to share with one another your deepest fears, dreams, disappointments, and most complicated emotions. 

Additionally, it involves the age old longing that every human being desires, in feeling seen, understood and  safe enough to express your uninhibited emotions with your partner. The comfort in having this "safe space" is cultivated by each individual refraining from judgment, defense, or contempt when the other is sharing.

Intellectual intimacy

Intellectual intimacy requires a comfort with communicating beliefs and viewpoints without worrying about potential conflicts. Each individual in the relationship has the freedom to think for themselves but even more so, believes that their opinions are valued. 

Guess what? Each person’s opinions are valuable even if they are different from your own. There shouldn’t be feelings of pressure to agree. When this freedom persists, the atmosphere is conducive to stimulating conversation. You feel closer to the person who cares for you independent of your differences and most importantly, who respects your voice.

Experiential intimacy

Experiential intimacy is the most fun. Have you ever been out with your person and you all see something that reminds you of another experience (be it a real occurrence or something seen on TV)? All of a sudden, that shared experience leads to an inside joke and/or  private memory. These moments can intensify the connection. 

Experiential intimacy is based on the experience so the  act of teamwork and moving in unison toward a common goal establishes a feeling of closeness. 

Spiritual intimacy

Spiritual intimacy does not require religious practice. Of course, it can serve the purpose but this closeness forms when you share poignant moments with your partner. For example, praying and worshipping as a couple could qualify as one such moment but so is watching the sunrise/sunset together or holding hands on a nature walk as you marvel at the beauty of something greater than yourselves. 

Healthy relationships involve relating on multiple levels, not just physical. Learning to engage in open, truthful communication, as well as working to understand your partner, will help establish the intangible feeling of closeness that will strengthen your love life. In doing so, your physical touch strengthens as your connection is strengthened. 

In order to know where you are going, you have to know where you currently are. If you’re ready to really make your health and life a priority to maximize your success to grow and G.L.O.W., there are 3 ways I can help: 

1. Take your FREE Wellness Assessment (Quiz) and schedule your debrief. It’s an informative assessment that taps into your 4 primary pillars of wellness to gauge where you are and serve as a compass for maximizing your health and wellness journey. 
2. Join our free GHealth call every 1st Tuesday at 7pm EST. It’s where you can come to learn and discuss various health topics to ensure that you are truly living whole, well, and free. Bring your questions and I’ll see you there!
3. Schedule a Connection Call. Whether you’re looking for personal health or speaking and corporate training, let’s start with a conversation to see how I may serve you. Health is a journey both individually and collectively and it governs performance on both personal and professional levels. 

Looking forward to serving you. It’s WHOLE Health for your WHOLE self. 

Love & Blessings!

Dr. Nicole

Written by Dr. Nicole McCarty

Dr. Nicole McCarty is an Integrative Health Doctor, Wellness Coach, Author, Speaker, & Corporate Wellness Trainer. She is also a Meditation & Mindfulness Instructor seeking to engage more people in the benefits of living Free, Healthy, & WHOLE. 

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